The Invader

Polygamy (Disguised Curse or Supposed Blessing)

One of my mom’s biggest fears was not giving us everything we need, everything she thought we deserved and probably were deprived of the first few years of our childhood. This fear had a strong influence on my mother’s decision to re-marry, especially into a Yoruba polygamous family. There was nothing wrong with this Yoruba family but their ways were just different from ours. Perhaps, they just weren’t too welcoming of the “invader” their dad brought home.

Mom’s new husband was an illiterate, he was far from fluent in English and didn’t do much of school either, however he was very business oriented and was wealthy for the most part. He loved my mom, I would hope, either way mom was very resourceful to his business because she was very much informed about the world and brought innovative ideas for him on the table. He was smart enough to build a separate home for my mother; it made the stresses of being a part of a polygamous family less tedious. He usually spent 4 nights with my mom and 3 nights with his first wife, he was a constant traveler and sometimes we don’t see him for months as his business took him around the world, Asia, North America, India, Africa etc. But let’s face it; no one really likes to share their partner. It’s beyond being selfish, it a human thing. 

She always said as long as she had me and my sister she was fine. Mom tried her best to get along with the family but there was always side comments and side name callings, simple words like “omo Igbo” were randomly thrown at my mom in the rudest of ways but my mom wasn’t an easy woman either and taking bullshit does not run in our blood. She had her wall built around her and her kids and she kept every other person at a distance. Shortly into her marriage, Mom had already adopted a Yoruba Muslim little boy, his name is Akeem, and technically we were now 3 children in the family. You would think that was enough kids but some summers, she had to cater for my step mom’s kids, as the second and new wife, she had to play some motherly roles to them. Mom quickly adopted their 5^th and 6^th daughters because the younger ones seem easier to adapt to. I was four years older than Esther, the 6^th child and my biological sister Uzo was 5 years older than Esther. However Tobi, the 5^th child was Uzo’s age mate, hence she was older than me. As if 5 of us weren’t enough “children”, she was also given Lekan, Tobi’s cousin to cater for. Everything didn’t obviously happen like someone said “here are 3 of my family members, take them home, they are now yours” typer thing, no. They penetrated into the family via the new school my step-dad built for my mom. It was more like “they are now students in your school” typer thing. It doesn’t take anyone stupid or smart to figure it out that mom had to take care of them. They are her husband’s children. Overnight, our little world of me, my mom and my sister, grew into, us and 5 others.

Tobi wasn’t much of a fan to my mother, the same way my sister wasn’t to her dad. I believe their feelings towards their new parent are because they’re both used to having their own family without having to share. I was more free spirited than my sister; to me it didn’t matter much. As long as I get the things I want and be the person I want to be. I got to wear nice cloths and explore my love for fashion, the new found wealth definitely made the transition of my childhood in teenage hood a little more bearable. 

In a polygamous family, always expect the worst. Words will always go around, the walls will have ears and show you proof of it, people will stare at you and patiently wait to count your flaws and hop on your mistakes. The will to survive life is the drive to carry on through these hurdles. My mom was focused on her school business which was a little more than just school business; she was always focused on my business which was one of the biggest challenges of my childhood. Being the “principal’s daughter”.